Here is a letter that I had received from an insurance company which aimed at promoting a new package.
Lee Jia Hao
BLK550 #12-345
Ang Mo Kio Ave 6
Singapore 123456
Dear Valued Customer
Thank you for your strong support over the years. As Singapore’s largest local insurer, we at XXX Company truly care and understand your needs.
1.In view of the recent spate of dengue cases, house break-ins and residential fire incidents, we are pleased to extend an irresistible offer specially for you and your loved ones, the Smart Saver Package.
2.Our Smart Saver Package consists of 3 innovative plans:
a) Personal Accident + Infectious Diseases (PA+ID) Plan
b) Enhanced Home Insurance Plan
3. The PA+ID plan is specially designed to cover all forms of accident with the added advantage of protection against infectious diseases such as Dengue fever, Bird flu, Hand, foot & mouth disease, etc.
4.Our Enhanced Home Insurance offers the most comprehensive range of benefits in the market to ensure that your precious home, valuables and contents are fully covered against common perils.
5. Sign up for any 2 or more policies (any combination of insurance plan is allowed) now to enjoy great savings in addition to 15% discount when you take up our 3-year plans. On top of that, stand a chance to win a trip to California, Greece or Japan when you sign up now!
Don’t miss this Super Offer…
Find out how Smart Saver can help you enjoy these benefits and save on your insurance premiums at the same time! Simply call 6123 3456 or email us at xyz@smartsaver.com for a quote today!
Be a Smart Saver Now!
Yours Faithfully
Erika Ho
Head, Property & Casualty Department
In my opinion, this is a well-written business letter, which had met almost all of the 7Cs in writing.
1. Courtesy
By starting off the letter with ‘Valued Customer’, the letter is set in an appropriate tone and courteous way. Thanking and assuring the customer that his needs are cared for exemplifies the You-Attitude, which makes the customer feel valued and important.
2. Correctness
Formal English language and good grammar is used.
3. Conciseness
The letter is quite concise with a main point in each paragraph.
4. Clarity
It is easy to understand the letter as the ideas are expressed clearly. The first paragraph highlighted the need for this new package, then the 3 plans are introduced followed by a brief description of each plan. Finally, the last part entices the customer to sign up by emphasizing on attractive rewards and using short phrases like ‘Don’t miss this Super Offer…’ and ‘Be a Smart Saver Now!’.
5. Coherence and Cohesion
Enumeration is used which helps the reader gather the messages easily. Otherwise, conjunctions can be added to signify a new idea.
6. Concreteness
Under point 5, destinations of the holiday trips are stated which makes the prizes to be won more credible.
7. Completeness
Some contact details are given for customers to make enquiries. Then the letter ends off well with a reminder for the customer to sign up for the offer.
Feel free to share your ideas on this letter or my comments. Thank you =)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Hi Jie Li,
ReplyDeleteI agree with your analysis of the letter. There aren't any faults with this letter and it is written in a very reader-friendly manner. As you have mentioned, the writer was courteous and coherent in writing the letter.
This is a typical persuasive letter that uses emotional charged language. The company is indeed good at their marketing skills. Let me highlight one particular nuance. The last point was "Be a Smart Saver Now!" has two connotations. One, if I don't apply for the package, I'm not smart. On the other hand, it is simply the subscription name. This is really a smart way to appeal to customers!
Thanks for sharing the letter, Jie Li!
Regards,
Mario
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHi Jieli!
ReplyDeleteGood effort in your clear and concise critique of this letter=)
I agree that in general, there are minimal mistakes in this letter which was overall well-written.
This information presented in this letter is indeed clear with the use of simple subheadings for example, "Our Smart Saver Package consists of 3 innovative plans:". This makes it easy for the reader to be aware of the components of the Smart Saver Package.
I observed the use of numbering for the different paragraphs in the letter. In my opinion, the numbers could be ommitted as paragraphing alone allows for better flow and cohesion of the points in the letter. The numbering in this case seemed rather inappropriate for a formal letter.
Cheers,
Cassandra
Hi Jie Li,
ReplyDeleteThe letter you shared here is a typical marketing mail; your analysis is organized and comprehensive. I agree with you that it is over-all well written in compliance with all the 7Cs.
One of its features is the enumeration of its policies as you pointed out, which makes a clear organization and easier for the recipient to spot his/her interested area.
On top of that, as a persuasive letter, it also follows the AIDA formula- Attention, Interest, Desire, and Action. In bullet point one; it tries to attract attention by bringing up the problems confronting the public. After that it introduces the benefits of the Smart Saver Package and closes with an appeal for action-to contact the insurance company for the details of package or sign up with them.
Cheers,
June